Category: Alumnae Perspective

Alumnae Perspective: A Lifetime of Watchcare

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Original post can be found here on the official Alpha Phi blog.

August has always been one of my favorite months – the start of every school year perpetually reminds me of the amazing feeling of reconnecting with sisters. Whether it is reuniting on campus after a long summer, seeing a sister at an alumnae event or simply meeting a sister for dinner, we all can vividly remember a time when we’d literally counted down the month, days, weeks and minutes until we could fall into a hug with an amazing sister from whom we’d been separated entirely too long.

The shepherding of these precious relationships is a cornerstone of our Watchcare values. As both collegiate and alumnae, we use words like loyalty, support and mutual growth to emphasize our lifelong commitment to safeguard each other from harm. In taking and renewing our membership vows, we take seriously our responsibility to watch out for one another – understanding this responsibility isn’t “just for four years,” but in fact extends “for a lifetime”

No matter how one phrases it, such a promise means simply this: I’ve got your back, and nearly a quarter of a million of other human beings on this planet do too. This everlasting bond means that the relationships you form through Alpha Phi will be some of the greatest and strongest of your lifetime. Even after graduation, your sisters will celebrate you during life’s victories, applauding each as if they were bigger than the last. Your sisters will walk with you, holding you up during the most difficult of moments. These women will be your confidants and your protectors, they will support and challenge you, and they will change your life for the better in immeasurable ways.

I am living proof of the amazing power of these relationships. On March 1, 2014, my family’s home was severely damaged in a house fire, and my then four-and-a-half year old daughter Ainsley lost nearly all of her clothing, beloved stuffed animals and toys. Within 12 hours of the news reaching my Alpha Phi network, dozens of collegiate and alumnae sisters mobilized into action from every corner of the country.

Local sisters brought dinner, toys and took Ainsley out to provide her a much needed distraction. Out of state sisters called local wine stores until they found one that would deliver my favorite brand to our hotel, and sent gift cards to local stores. The women of the Delta Mu chapter at Purdue University brought Ainsley a huge Alpha Phi bear with which she could cuddle. Another out of state sister spent seven hours scrolling through my Facebook photos to find a picture of Ainsley’s favorite stuffed horse she had lost, and for which we had no replacement information. This sister remembered that she had seen a picture of this horse nearly three years ago, located the picture, and she and her husband were able to zoom in on the manufacturer. Together with five other sisters, they sent an overnight delivery of this exact horse to our hotel. I will never be able to adequately describe in words how grateful I am to them for an amazing act of love during one of the darkest moments of my life.

But perhaps the most amazing part of this story is that, contrary to what you might expect, none of these women described here are sisters I knew in college, or even met shortly after college. These are all women I met more than a decade after graduating, and whom I see only once every few years. And yet, when I was in need, they were the first to stand beside me. When I talk about the power of Watchcare – this is what I mean. We have joined a group of women who – regardless of how long they’ve known you – have your back. Today, tomorrow and for the rest of your life.

As you settle into your fall routine, I challenge you to think about how we as individuals are Alpha Phi’s most powerful Watchcare tools. Our ability to care for and to protect one another extends far beyond whether or not we have excellent risk management practices or responsible social media policies – the greatest acts of Watchcare happen with the seemingly smallest of actions. From helping a sister study or taking a new member to dinner in college to babysitting for a sister’s kids or sending a sister a simple “thinking of you” note when you’re an alumna. Gestures like these matter, as they actively demonstrate our commitment to one another. Reach out to your sisters, both new and old, and ask how you can have their back. You will never know what a difference it can make.

 

Devon Hensel (Gamma Nu-Miami University) is a Collegiate Chapter Manager. 

Watchcare: Active Listening

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Active listening is a technique most used in counseling to assist the practitioner in gathering authentic and accurate information from a patient. It requires the practitioner to exhibit core interpersonal qualities and basic interpersonal skills. Active listening is also an excellent tool for sisters of Alpha Phi to better support and care for their sisters. You can use these qualities and skills to:
• Listen to a sister in need
• Understand someone’s decision making process
• Mediate a conflict between two people
The core interpersonal qualities of an active listener are:

1. Warmth and Genuineness: Being warm towards a sister means showing kindness, acceptance, and love. In contrast, think of someone whom you would describe as “cold.” This person probably didn’t show any interest in your concern and you may have been less likely to open up to this person again. Showing warmth means verbally showing interest, smiling or matching the sisters facial expressions, asking about how someone is doing, or by the tone of your voice or body language. Genuineness requires the listener to be able to be honest with themselves and the sister about their own biases and strengths. Being authentic with a sister will allow them to be more authentic, open and honest with you.

2. Empathy: We often think of showing sympathy to those who have experienced a loss or a misfortunate situation. Unlike sympathy-which means to show pity on someone-empathy is showing understanding of one’s situation. Those who are empathetic are able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes to understand how they are feeling. We may never be able to fully understand someone’s situation if we have not lived it ourselves, but being empathetic allows others to feel safe in our company.
3. Respect: Showing respect for a sister is as simple as noticing the good in others, even if they have made a poor decision. Respectful listeners acknowledge how the person is feeling, without condoning behavior. Respectful listeners also can acknowledge their own abilities, strengths, and mistakes if they interpret a person’s communication incorrectly.
Here are some tips on the basic interpersonal skills to be an active listener:
• Overserving and Attending: Active listeners take mental note of the person’s body language, tone of voice, and non-verbal communication. In order to do this, remove all distractions from the conversation. Meet in a neutral quiet location and put phones away. Give yourself a set amount of time so that you aren’t constantly worried about what is coming up next on your schedule. As you’re able, sit squarely across from the person, keeping your arms uncrossed, and your posture open to your sister.
• Listening: This may seem an obvious skill for active listening, but listening carefully is quite difficult for people to do. Have you ever been in an argument and while the other person was talking, you were preparing your next comeback line? That’s what we want to avoid when we actively listen to others. When we listen, we want to seek the meaning behind the words, not just hear the person.
• Express Understanding: The best way to know if you understood someone correctly is to ask. You might ask in the form of a question: What I hear you saying is…, is that correct? Or it might be a reflection of the feelings that they are displaying or communicating: It sounds like you feel sad about what happened last night; OR I can see tears coming to your eyes. Are you sad about what happened? If the sister says something vague and you need more information to form an understanding, you can simply say Tell me more about that, and the sister may give you additional information. If at any point your sister explains that you’ve understood her incorrectly, remember to be respectful and warm, accept the correction, acknowledge your new understanding, and continue the conversation.
Part of being a great sister is acknowledging that we are not experts or professional counselors. As much as we want to be able to fix all of our sister’s problems and make everything ok, we can’t. Knowing when and how to refer someone to a professional, is an excellent skill to have. If your sister exhibits any of the following, it’s time to refer:
• Depression
• A loss of a loved one, grieving
• Alcohol or drug dependency
• Suicidal thoughts
Making a referral can feel scary and sometimes like it’s not our business. But your sisters mental and physical wellbeing IS your business and is the business of Watchcare. If you notice that you need to make a referral, be honest with your sister. Thank her for sharing and talking with you, but that it might be best if she talk with a counselor. Tell here that there is a counseling center on/near campus that is available for her and that you’d be happy to walk her to the office to make an appointment. If she doesn’t want to physically go there, you can offer to call on her behalf so she can speak with the office or counselor. It is important to know your campus’ counseling center phone number or campus safety number. Sometimes just sharing a pamphlet or contact information will work for a sister. Follow up with her later to see how she’s doing.
If a sister is exhibiting suicidal thoughts or attempts to commit suicide, call your campus safety or 911 right away. They will be able to assist you in assessing the sister’s current state and determine if she needs immediate attention.

Active listening takes a lot of energy, so it is important that you also take care of yourself before and after having this kind of conversation. It might be appropriate for you to visit with a counselor as well as someone’s story may impact you emotionally.

Alumnae Author: Katherine Lesperance (Delta Kappa, Wisconsin La Crosse)

Chang, V. N., Scott, S.T., & Decker, C.L. (2009). Developing Helping Skills: A Step-by-Step Approach (with DVD) 1st Edition. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole CENGAGE Learning

Alumnae Volunteer Perspective: Alpha Phi Isn’t Just Four Years

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Original blog post can be found here on the Official Alpha Phi blog.

I’ve often said that one of the best decisions I made in my life happened at the age of 19. At 19, I said yes to Alpha Phi. I think of where my life would be had I not experienced Alpha Phi as a collegiate member, I realize how many friendships and opportunities I would have missed.  But then I think of the thousands of Alpha Phis who didn’t have a collegiate experience, but instead, came to our sisterhood as alumna initiates, and that serves to remind me that some of the best years of my Alpha Phi experience have all happened long after my college days.

Nancy Morris Courtney Bosworth is an alumna initiate whose story resonates with me about what it means to be a lifelong member, regardless of when that lifetime begins.

Nancy attended college in 1956 at Sacramento State, where there was no Greek life on campus, just “locals” associated with the campus. When several friends started a “local,” Nancy joined but missed out on the full experience when she had to leave school due to family circumstances. During the next five years she worked, got married, had two children, was widowed and stayed involved with the local alumnae.

As Nancy tells it, “my Alpha Phi story began in 1967 after I remarried and moved to Minneapolis. Six months into my new life, I received a letter from Alpha Phi International asking if I would like to be an Alpha Phi because my ‘local’ at Sacramento State was being colonized by the Fraternity. I made the trip back to California and was initiated along with the newest members of Epsilon Gamma-Sacramento State.

Alpha Phi alumnae have always had a strong presence in the Minneapolis area. At the time I was initiated, the Minneapolis Alumnae Chapter was 916 strong! Can you imagine that large of an alumnae chapter? Eventually it was broken into more manageable area chapters around the city, and I helped charter a new chapter in the Minnetonka-Deephaven area.

When I moved to Washington state in 1975, I joined the Spokane APhi Alumnae Chapter because it was a perfect way to meet people, or ready-made sisters, as I call them. The alumnae chapter gave me Alpha Phi opportunities, such as serving as the treasurer and 1980 convention delegate. More importantly, they became my support network and close friends and saw me through the tragic loss of my daughter. Without their love and support, quietly lending strength when it was most needed, I wouldn’t have gotten through that time.

My outstanding alumnae chapter experience eventually transformed into a volunteer role as a District Alumnae Chairman (DAC). I provided support to alumnae chapters throughout Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, British Columbia and Hawaii. I supported these chapters for six years, meeting and corresponding with so many wonderful women, but learning and growing along the way. The self-confidence I gained is immeasurable. Little did I know that this growth would lead me to one of Alpha Phi’s highest honors, a director on the Alpha Phi Foundation Board. For six more years, I learned and grew, stretching my abilities way beyond what I could have imagined, while enjoying a wonderful, eye-opening experience.

Being an alumnae initiate has been an experience I could not have imagined. I do not have ‘collegiate chapter memories,’ but I think that is okay, as I have met some of the grandest women that I count as sisters and long-lasting friends across the U.S. and Canada all because of one letter asking if I would like to become an Alpha Phi.”

Alpha Phi isn’t just four years. For some those four years don’t even happen, but the lifetime they give to Alpha Phi creates lasting memories and friendships that replace anything they possibly could have experienced as a collegiate member.

Nancy Bosworth (Epsilon Gamma-Sacramento State)

 

With introduction and closing statements by Jennifer Frobish

Alumnae Perspective: How Attending ELI and the Fellows Program Changed My Life in More Ways than One

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Original post can be found here on the Official Alpha Phi blog.

I often hear the question, “What is your favorite part about being a sister in Alpha Phi?” Followed by answers, like “I feel at home when I am with my sisters” or “I know I am cared for and I will always have a genuine friend to lean on.” I relate closely to these two answers, but more often than not, when I am asked the same question I will always answer with:

Alpha Phi has given me more than I could have ever imagined (cliché, but true). On top of navigating college with the support of my Delta Nu chapter sisters and having the opportunity to hold several positions within my chapter, I was also accepted to attend a session of the Emerging Leadership Institute (ELI) and the Fellows Program while I was an undergrad. I like to think of these Alpha Phi leadership programs as the stepping stones or the “ladder” I climbed to becoming the woman I am today. ELI was the perfect guide to learning how to become a leader, within my chapter, undergraduate classes and the other organizations I joined as a collegian; while the Fellows Program helped me shape my leadership skills for life post-graduation. These opportunities inspired me to reach for higher professional goals and gave me the skill sets to do so. If it weren’t for the Fellows Program, I truly don’t think I would be where I am professionally and I would have missed out on the lasting Alpha Phi connections I have made.

Top 5 ways I benefited from attending ELI and Fellows Program:

 

  • I strengthened my communication and interviewing skills tremendously. I learned how to rattle off a 30 second elevator speech, which highlights all of my professional and leadership skills.
  • I was introduced to a network of sisters who have supported me from all over North America. Some of my best friends are Alpha Phis I met through these programs and even though we live states apart I keep in contact with these women on a daily basis and visit them as often as possible.
  • Due to the generous financial support of Alpha Phi Foundation, I was able to participate in both of these life-changing opportunities. The programs pushed me out of my comfort zone and allowed me the opportunity to travel on my own to cities I had never visited before (Indianapolis, Evanston, and Chicago).
  • I built confidence in myself and strengthened the leadership skills I knew I had, but also identified other skills that needed some work. I wasn’t ashamed to admit my weaknesses in these environments because I knew I had a team of women going through the same experience and willing to support me along the way. Imagine being in a room full of top Alpha Phi leaders from across North America, it was both motivating and inspiring.
  • I learned the true definition of what it meant to be a leader and how I could stand up for myself, strive for my goals and most importantly not be intimidated by male leaders in the work force.

If I could give any single piece of advice to a collegiate member in Alpha Phi, it is to take advantage of these leadership programs. Or, if you’re an alumna and would like to volunteer some of your time, apply to be a facilitator (I also keep in contact with the facilitators from these programs and I can’t thank them enough for all they taught me).

The lessons I learned as a participant of these programs, still ring true in my current everyday life. Following my college graduation from the University of Maine in May 2015, I began working at Alpha Phi International’s Executive Office as a Program Coordinator. While working in this position I also manage a media production company, which I co-found as a senior in college. Working and living in one state, while running a company in another location is not the easiest thing to do as 22 year old, but the Alpha Phi Leadership Programs gave me the skill sets and confidence to meet my goals and become the young professional I am today. I am confident that the experiences I had in both the ELI and Fellows Programs helped to build a solid foundation that I build upon each day. I know that no matter where I go or what I do, the skills that I have gained will serve me well as a leader and as an Alpha Phi.

Kristen Douglass (Delta Nu-Maine)

Alumnae Life: Redefining your Alpha Phi Experience

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Original post can be found on the Official Alpha Phi blog.

In August of 2011, as I drove away from the life I knew for the past four years, I made a phone call to see what I could do to continue my time with Alpha Phi. For four years Alpha Phi was everything to me, and I knew that I wanted Alpha Phi to be a part of my life forever.

I started volunteering with the Zeta Xi chapter at Elmhurst and met wonderful women whom I still talk to now. I volunteered there for three years, and then while attending Convention 2014, I found out that Alpha Phi would be opening a new chapter right down the street from me at the University of St. Francis. I was so excited that I immediately started to figure out how I could help open a brand new chapter at a University that had never had a sorority or fraternity.

After a lot of hard work and effort I was able to be the Chapter Advisor of the Iota Phi chapter at St. Francis University. I used my new-found home and role to find advisors that would be willing to help start this new chapter and help make it succeed like all the others before us. After a year of working with Iota Phi, I got the news that my husband was being relocated to Wisconsin for work. The first question I had was “What about my role with Alpha Phi??”

I was devastated to leave this brand new chapter that I had helped create but knew that my time with Alpha Phi was not over. Before I even moved to Wisconsin, I had been in contact with other volunteers from the Iota chapter at University of Wisconsin Madison. Being able to volunteer with the Iota chapter has given me a new life line here in Wisconsin. Having to leave behind your entire family, your job and all your friends is not an easy thing, but with Alpha Phi you always have a home no matter where you go.

As an alumna of Alpha Phi you have an opportunity to meet so many more people than you do as a collegian. I have met so many wonderful women, and I know I will always have someone to turn to no matter where my life takes me. Every year I get so excited to attend Leadership Conference in February because I get the chance to see all the amazing volunteers and staff members that have helped me through not only my college years but also my volunteer years. I always meet new people and get to reconnect with those I haven’t seen since the previous Leadership Conference.

The women that I have met through Alpha Phi have become my best friends and sisters in more ways than one. They are the women that I can’t wait to share good news with. They are the women that are there for me when something bad happens and help me figure out what to do to make it better. They are the ones that I couldn’t wait to tell that I would be having an Alpha Phi legacy. They are the ones that no matter where I am in my life, will always be there to support me and have my back. They are the ones that I look up to and hope to be.

I loved being an Alpha Phi as a collegiate, but being an Alpha Phi as an alumna is even better. I hope that I can inspire the women that I work with the way I have been inspired by so many before me.

Alyson Shelton Feminis (Epsilon Delta – Northern Illinois)